5 True (and totally unbiased) Facts About Introverts!

Don’t you hate it when everyone else is partying, and you’re stuck at home reading Buzzfeed lists and Satyr articles? Don’t worry! With this list, you can claim a feeling of smug self-righteousness over those damn extroverts and their partying and road-tripping and friend-having lifestyles.

1. Introverts are so much more creative than extroverts!

No extrovert could have ever written that 30-page Sherlock fanfiction that includes no additional characters and basically rehashes the plot of “The Reichenbach Fall” into a homoerotic Sherlock/Watson/Moriarty threesome. Isn’t it amazing how, by not speaking with other people and diversifying your thoughts, you end up being a million times more creative than other people? Certainly, it couldn’t be the fact that you have the time to do those things.

2. Extroverts are selfish, fake vampires who suck the energy from people.

Ugh, it’s so easy to tell when extroverts are faking their smiles. All they do is bother people to satisfy their own need for excitement. I bet that when they talk about all the cool things they do, they’re just lying!  And they’re always asking us to get out more—they’re the most judgmental people ever!

introverts

Illustration by Ellie Martino

3. Monroe/Lincoln/Gandhi were introverts!

And look how successful they were! You haven’t met these people, but we’re sure they sometimes spent time alone. This must mean they’re introverts! Please disregard the fact that their job description was basically “professional people-people”.

4. We’re not shy nerds who don’t know how to hold conversations.

Remember that time at dinner when someone asked you how your week was, and you barely mumbled out, “Okay”? That wasn’t because you couldn’t come up with an intelligent response to carry the conversation (you’re too creative for that to be true)—it’s because you’re just scared about them judging you for saying something wrong.  It’s not like conversationality is considered a valuable skill.

5. We need alone time in order to recharge.

Recharge what? You’re not sure. It’s like energy, but for social interactions. It may not make scientific sense, but you swear you saw someone Facebook about it somewhere.

Look, here’s the thing: You aren’t an introvert because you didn’t go out one night. You aren’t an extrovert because you happened to have a good conversation with some people you met for the first time. People’s moods vacillate with their environment, and that‘s okay. Just stop trying to define yourself, and you might learn to actually enjoy people again.

Sincerely,

Someone who does hate clubbing, though. I mean seriously, what the fuck? ♦

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