Avid Nail Biter Eats Hand

Westwood — Everyday, Scott Morris bites his nails while sitting in lecture. Today, he ran out of nails, but continued to chew. By the end of lecture, Morris had eaten his hand.

The Daily Ruin caught up with Morris after class to find out what motivated the incident. Morris explained, “I was sitting in lecture and I guess I was really gnawing at it quickly today and ran out of nails to bite. I always start chewing the thumbnail and throughout lecture I work my way to the pinky nail. Every other time before today I’ve just stopped there. But today, I just didn’t notice and I ended up eating down to my wrist.”

Trevor Martin, who sits a few chairs down from Morris, was still stunned with he talked to The Daily Ruin. “What is going on? Did that guy really just eat his hand?” After being reassured that what he saw happened, Martin collected this thoughts and added, “when I walked into lecture he was already there, biting his nails. I didn’t think anything of it. It was a normal day. Then, about 10 minutes before class ended, I glanced over and half of his fingers must have already been gone. He was just eating off little chucks at a time.” Martin shuddered at the thought of it and then turned back and continued, “there was blood running down his hand and chair and onto the floor. And he was just sitting there. Like nothing was going on.”

Morris was seen in class and his professor, Anthony Roth, stated that he didn’t initially see Morris, but did hear him and assumed he was snacking during lecture. “When I heard snapping behind me I figured he was just one of those jerks who chomps on whole bag of baby carrots during lecture.” It wasn’t until students started screaming and running out of the lecture hall that Roth finally took notice. “I looked over and something was eerily off about Morris. He was so calm. I don’t think he had any idea he had eaten his hand.”

Even though so many students and faculty were shocked by today’s events, Morris seemed to indicate that he has unknowingly eaten things in the past. “I used to wonder, everyday, how I kept losing all of my pens. I finally noticed that when I wasn’t writing, I would start to chewing at the end of my pen, but then just keep going.” Morris had to get to his next class, so wasn’t able to describe more about his habit. It was last reported that Morris was seen in his next lecture, reaching for his foot. It’s unclear what will happen, but we’re sure the whole situation will be a real nailbiter.

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