ALF Accused Of Sexual Misconduct

alf

 

Los Angeles, CA– In wake of the recent allegations of sexual assault against celebrities and public figures, new statements have been made accusing the late 80’s sitcom star ALF of sexual misconduct.

The breakout star rose to fame instantly for his role in the self titled series, with critical praise of his performance and superb craft. His ability to effortlessly deliver such punchlines as “There’s hair in this tuna fish…I like it!” and Help, help, I’m stuck in the outhouse!” garnered him lifelong fans who view him as a voice of a generation. However, recent allegations made by women who worked on set of the series tell a different tale of ALF’s dark side.

Lauren Pollack, who worked in the hair and makeup department, claims that ALF’s rapid rise to stardom made him arrogant and abusive. After months of his harsh demands and verbal abuse towards the crew, ALF crossed a line one day back in 1987. Pollack describes that day with disgust– “While doing touch ups on another actor, ALF approached me from behind and grabbed my butt through my dark wash Jordache jeans”. Pollack says that to this day she is shooken up over the incident and still gets flashbacks of his plush hairy hand grabbing her. When she confronted ALF, he became extremely reactive. “He told me he would have me fired if I said anything and told me I should be so lucky to be working on the television series of a generation. That working on set of the prolific and brilliant series ALF would be my peak”.

Another victim has also stepped forward, claiming an incident with the star happened to her in 1989. Mallory Stevens, a writer on the series, said that during a lunch break ALF came up to her, put his snout to her ear and whispered “I love eating pussy”. When Stevens reacted with shock and disgust, ALF said that this was in reference to his character on the series, who expressed his craving for felines and often crafted schemes to eat the family cat.

ALF has released a statement in response to the accusations, which appears to be just a rehashing of Harvey Weinstein’s statement from just two months ago:

I came of age in the 17 and 1800’s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different. That was the culture on planet Melmac.

I have learned that what I have done is inexcusable, even if I am an alien life form from a different time and planet. I’ve asked Lisa Bloom to help and represent me during this time. I so respect all women and deeply regret what happened.

I’m going to need a place to channel my anger so I too have decided that i’m going to give the NRA my full attention.

I was also on a lot of cocaine at the time.

 

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