Author Archives: Andrew Kang

About Andrew Kang

Follow him on Twitter @ndrewkang

White People Listen To Damn. For Racial Debt

  Los Angeles–Kendrick Lamar’s fourth studio album, DAMN., was released on April 14 to rave reviews and critical acclaim. According to Lamar’s label Interscope Records, much of the album’s commercial success can be credited to white millennials buying the album…


White House Press Room Podium Replaced With Bush

Washington―In the latest shake-up the Trump administration has made to the White House, Sean Spicer has decided to replace the historic podium in the press room with a bush. The decision comes after the suspicious timing of the firing of…


Justin Bieber Can’t Get a Job After Getting Dreads

  LOS ANGELES — Justin Bieber shocked not only his fans after revealing his new hairdo on Monday, but also his employers. Island Records, his old recording label, was so taken aback that it has decided to drop the 22-year-old…


Meninists Petition to Stop Burning Man

LOS ANGELES— Arguing that Burning Man is a malicious act of misandry, local men’s rights activists have petitioned to stop the festival from taking place. These activists, who refer to themselves as meninists, call the festival a blatant display of…


Jews for Jesus Confused About How to Celebrate Christmas

WESTWOOD— The Los Angeles branch of Jews for Jesus has recently opened up about its confusion surrounding the Christian holiday of Christmas, which traditionally celebrates the birth of Jesus. “Of course we celebrate Hanukkah,” said director Benjamin Myer. “But as…


Bruin Bear Vandalized by South Campus Students

LOS ANGELES— On Thursday morning, the UCLA community was shocked to see that the treasured Bruin Bear had been vandalized. “SC RUNS LA” was crudely spray-painted in red onto the bear’s left side, and immediately fingers were pointed to cross-town rival,…


Student with 19p On Power Hungry Rampage

LOS ANGELES— After second-year economics student Jonathan Humbert upgraded to the 19-premium meal plan this year, friends and family reported that he has become unrecognizable as a “power-hungry jerk.” “After hearing Jonny complain about not having enough swipes last year,…