Author Archives: Cornelius Robbins

pledge

Frat Pledge Or Mormon Missionary: A Helpful Guide

For all those times you’ve encountered a friendly group of well dressed white men, and have been confused as to whether they were spreading the word of Jesus Christ or on their way to a beer pong tournament. Here is…

SATYR-Altfacts

10 UCLA Alternative Facts

Gene Block is super involved. People see him as a father figure. I invited him to my little sister’s Bat Mitzvah. USAC is effective and transparent. Everyone knows what they do. In fact we all say hello to our USAC…

titmilk

Were You Breastfed? When to Ask Your Tinder Date

James, 24, studied business communications at Claremont McKenna. He enjoys surfing, dark beer, and Game of Thrones. But was he breastfed? You match with James on Tinder, and it doesn’t take long for him to make the first move: “You’re…

SATYR- Super Tuesday -Slider

Super Tuesday: Bernie Supporters Mistake Tweeting for Voting

WASHINGTON D.C. — Despite the mass quantities of Bernie merch purchased on Etsy, the explosion of viral Bernie memes, and “cool young” celebrity endorsements, Sanders somehow managed to only carry four states. Some preliminary research into this quandary showed that…