Author Archives: Goldstein Goldstein

discussionsection

The 5 Types of People in Your Discussion Section

Oh, the people you’ll meet in your discussion section! Yep, they pretty much all suck. Within this strange, academically constructed space, one can always look forward to the serene silence that follows discussion questions the TA poses to the entire…

dininghallppl

If Dining Halls Were People

With its nationally recognized and award-winning dining halls, UCLA gives you plenty of options to treat yo’ self. The question is, to what? The dining options represent a vast array of culinary culture. Want organic food? Try Bruin Plate. Feeling…

IMG_3625

Student Finds Human Carcass in BPlate Salad

WESTWOOD— Following reports of students finding bugs, wire, and feathers in their dining hall food, second-year English student Kayla Gomez said it came as no shock to her when she found a human carcass in her Bruin Plate salad. She…

8128187075_d7b9751dd2_z

Partygoer Arrives on Time, Forced to Help Set up

LOS ANGELES— First-year anthropology student Cristian Holton unwittingly found himself drafted onto the set-up crew for UCLA’s Model United Nations party after arriving on time. Holton said he arrived at the party at 8:30 p.m., the time the Facebook event…

Bruin Walk

Gene Block Did It for the Yak

WESTWOOD— Some 8,000 subscribers to the UCLAyak Snapchat account were surprised on Wednesday to find a video featuring the pale, naked body of UCLA Chancellor Gene Block gallivanting around Bruinwalk. Started a little more than a week ago by a…

12696032183_0d9622ae98_b

New Year, New Me (But Really, You)

With the recent passing of the old year into the new one, I am reminded of all of the goals I wished to accomplish last year. I did not go the gym, volunteer with the homeless, or even kick my…

Meyer & Renee Luskin-02

UCLA Renames Itself UC Meyer and Renee Luskin

WESTWOOD— UCLA has decided to rename itself UC Meyer and Renee Luskin after receiving the Luskin’s donation of one billion dollars, the largest ever given to UCLA. The Luskins are known for being among UCLA’s top financial benefactors, having given $100…

Hedrick_Summit,_UCLA

The 5 Types of People in Your Lounge

Ah, the wonders of the college dorm lounge. It is in this quintessential landscape that you can be sure to encounter an array of strange characters and a bevy of uncomfortable small talk. Have no fear though, dear reader, Satyr…

Vslider1

USAC Candidates Protect Right Of Rich To Student Government

LOS ANGELES—For the second year in a row, the majority of Undergraduate Students Association Council (USAC) candidates have united in their cause for the endowed to have a fair chance in student government elections. Of the 30 candidates running for…