Author Archives: Hunter Saling

tracy murphy

Poor, Depraved Woman Eats Alone At Restaurant

WESTWOOD, CA – Customers of Napa Valley Grille in Westwood, CA were taken aback yesterday as they witnessed Tracy Murphy, 33, sit alone at a table and order her meal, presumably waiting for a guest to join her. But there would…

Trump_signing_order_January_27

Trumpcare Doctors Just Ask What You Think They Should Do

WESTWOOD — Under the replacement of the American Care Act, colloquially known as “Trumpcare”, licensed physicians have been advised to just start asking patients to tell them what medical action to take. The designers of the bill hope that this…

squirrel.Knife

Holy Shit Balls! That Squirrel Has A Knife

Woah. Everyone, stay calm. That’s a squirrel with a knife. Just don’t get too close to him. Does he want anything? If so, just give it to the fucking squirrel. HE HAS A KNIFE. If he disappears into a tree,…

sub

NEW Alt-Right Subscription Box!

Monthly subscription box services are on the rise as people love getting curated items shipped right to their door. Now, from the makers of Birch Box, comes the next best subscription box service! In collaboration with Breitbart News and the…

planets

Newly Discovered Planets Ask Humans to Leave Them Alone

WASHINGTON DC – On Wednesday, February 22, NASA announced that it had discovered three possibly habitable earth-sized planets in the TRAPPIST-1 system, igniting the scientific community and the world. Life existing on other planets has always been in question, however,…

smokin

Experts Say 2017 Best Time To Start Smoking Again

LOS ANGELES– A recent study from the UCLA Geffen School of Medicine indicates that in light of the current United States political climate, right now is a better time than ever for Americans to take up smoking again. We reached…

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Russia Hacks Walmart’s Speaker System

OWENSBORO, KENTUCKY — Yesterday a local Walmart’s PA system broadcasted a strange message. According to the employees and shoppers present, it sounded as if the message was broadcast in Russian. Investigators have tied this incident to a number of other…

tall-woman-right-format

Why There Ought to be a Cap on Women’s Height

Internet idol, Milo Yiannopoulos, recently brought up the great point of needing a cap on the amount of women in science and math. This got me thinking: what else should women be restricted on for the good of mankind? Women’s…

satyr-snacks

5 Yummy Snacks in Trump’s America

Welp, seeing as things have turned out the way they have, we at Satyr want to offer some healthy, easily acquirable alternatives to food that you can survive on in the coming end of times: Old Cigarette Butts: These things…