Author Archives: Ken Rudnick

About Ken Rudnick

Follow him on Twitter @ken_rudnick
SATYR-PC

PC ’s Get New Politically Correct Autocorrect

PALO ALTO — In an attempt to make Windows hipper than Apple, Bill Gates has recently given his software a new politically correct autocorrect feature. This new feature is all the rage among college students. Carlos Cortez, a college senior, …

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Mansion for Sale (Roommate Included)

Live in a historic mansion, dating back to the 50s, and which was pretty popular in the 70s. Has been sanitized since. Koi pond. Clothes not required in house or on premises. Comes with roommate for life. Built in pipe…

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Christmas Trees Demand Trial Before Execution

THE WOODS — For years, Christmas trees have been brutally cut down without any chance to defend themselves or plead their case, but finally the laws have changed. Evergreen Pine v. Montana is the biggest movement for plant rights since…

5daysoffinals

The Five Days of Finals

On the day before finals, my true bro gave to me, one adderall pill bottle… On the first day of finals, adderall gave to me, in-vinci-bilit-y… Waking up for a Monday morning final was not exciting, but I said I…