Bernie Loses Supporters to Primary Stress Induced Heart Attacks

SATYR- Heart AttacksBoston, MA– Bernie Sanders has been killing it throughout the presidential primary elections. He has taken unexpected leads and the suspense has proven to be too much for some of his deeply invested followers. His startling come from behind victories have lost him supporters in a very unfortunate way. They have succumbed to heart attacks brought on by the high anxiety felt as votes are tallied and the constant feeling of ‘will he or won’t he’ win.

These cases of precocious heart disease brought on by Bernie’s historic campaign are being referred to by the media as “Heart Bern”. Cases of Heart Bern started showing up right out of the gate, on the night of the first primary, the Iowa Caucus. Bernie was neck and neck with his opponent, Hillary Clinton throughout the evening and by the coin toss finale the excitement caused many of his diehard supporters to experience life threatening heart attacks.

Darren Gill suffered a heart attack following the Wisconsin primary. Darren’s brother, Will, recounted the event saying, “before he collapsed he mumbled something about feeling the Bern. We were all pretty confused and thought he was just overwhelmed with nerves while watching Bernie’s election results. He was actually having a minor heart attack”

Not everyone has been so lucky, many of Sanders’ supporters have tragically died from cardiac episodes triggered by campaign excitement. Sanders is losing supporters with every debate and primary that are held. His campaign issued a statement expressing condolences and warning their supporters that anyone could be vulnerable, that their campaign is not for the faint of heart. The statement went on to include early warning signs of Heart Bern, “racing heart, left wing shoulder pain, conservative discomfort, and difficulty tuning out of NPR”

It’s tragic that even despite their youth many Sanders supporters’ hearts have not been able to handle the excitement of his historic candidacy. Sanders’s poll numbers dropped considerably going into South Carolina after he trailed Hillary Clinton following the Nevada Primary. The only known cause for these declining numbers is that his supporters are also dropping dead. While many were hoping that Sanders would leave Clinton in the dust, it seems that unfortunately many are instead biting the dust before they have a chance to cast a vote for him.♦

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