Campus Climate Survey Reveals Favorable Weather at UCLA

Well goddamn, if this isn’t nice, then I don’t know what is!

LOS ANGELES—Last week, the Daily Ruin went out and asked UCLA students to share their opinions on the current campus climate, asking about their experiences regarding race, religion, and sexual orientation.

“We’re proud to say that our campus enjoys beautiful weather for at least 90% of the year,” boasted survey director Bradley Durgan, “with only 16 unfavorable days!”

When asked about the atmosphere on campus regarding recent racial tensions, Mr. Durgan was seen visibly sweating.

“Wow! It must be hotter than normal outside today. About 87 degrees? That’s fairly unusual for our fair city of Westwood!”

Our journalists went on to question Mr. Durgan about the results, inquiring about the school’s general feelings of safety and acceptance in the wake of incidents such as the “Team Sander” controversy and the racially charged letter directed at Asian-American women that was sent to UCLA’s Asian-American Studies Center. At this point in our interview, Mr. Durgan began to crank the A/C, drowning out most of these questions.

When our questions shifted to thoughts on gender expression and sexual orientation on campus, Mr. Durgan proceeded to shout the the weekly forecast until time was up. ♦


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