Internet idol, Milo Yiannopoulos, recently brought up the great point of needing a cap on the amount of women in science and math. This got me thinking: what else should women be restricted on for the good of mankind? Women’s heights should not be allowed to be greater than the men that they surround themselves with daily. And they’re growing taller day by day. Not because of “societal body standards,” or “deoxyribonucleic acid,” but because they can’t stand the competition to reach high-up places that men were already assigned to reach.
Starting with the most obvious height transgression: objects in high places. According to the US Census, only 58% of women aged 18-24 are under 5’5”. Meaning, almost half of women are taller than that. If women are getting so much taller than men, they will rise right up and bump their heads on the so-called “glass ceiling.” A classic political diversion. It is incomprehensible to even imagine.
Furthermore, if women are generally taller, dates will be a lot more threatening if guys have to look up to get a kiss at the end of the night. Biologically speaking, kissing puts 29 facial muscles into motion. What will happen if guys have to use even more muscles to crane up and kiss? Whiplash, slipping a disc, pinching a nerve: these are all neck injuries. So women can’t be taller, because then guys will get hurt a lot more when they let girls kiss them.
Pads should be of course provided at no expense to women. Not sanitary pads, those are gross. Knee pads can help women who are already taller than men around them, and by using them, they can help by not being part of the problem. Believe in something larger than yourself. Barbara Bush said that, and she’s a lady who was near politics. Believe in the men who are taller to help reach things, it’s not a problem at all! Women shouldn’t suffer and complain, so by using knee pads they can remove themselves from the equation and help give that height back so it can be more effectively used by men.
In conclusion, women should not be taller than men because the hard evidence of men already being generally taller in the first place. Women’s height is fine where it is, so why bother growing when guys have it covered? “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Abraham Lincoln said that, and he was a smart guy who was taller than every woman around him, he was beloved, and most importantly, taller than his wife.
Art by Hannah Burnett