Category: Digest

Quick and Easy Comedy


The 5 Types of People in Your Discussion Section

Oh, the people you’ll meet in your discussion section! Yep, they pretty much all suck. Within this strange, academically constructed space, one can always look forward to the serene silence that follows discussion questions the TA poses to the entire…


If Dining Halls Were People

With its nationally recognized and award-winning dining halls, UCLA gives you plenty of options to treat yo’ self. The question is, to what? The dining options represent a vast array of culinary culture. Want organic food? Try Bruin Plate. Feeling…


5 Dads You Will See at Bruin Day

Keep an eye out for dads this weekend. Here’s a few you may encounter:   The Pre-Med Coach Uniform: Polo shirt, Sunglasses, Crossed Arms This guy is going to be quiet during most of the visit, except for maybe making…


No-Shave November: What to do the Other 11 Months

It is that magical time of year when leaves start falling from trees and men and women nationwide lay down their razors to show their support for Prostate Cancer. I am, of course, referring to No-Shave November. This month is especially…

RA Roommate

Top Three Ways to Deal with Your Marxist Roommate

We all know that college is a time for experimentation with both bisexuality and political extremism, but nobody wants to get paired up with Marx-reincarnate as their roommate. To find out whether your roommate is harboring socialist sympathies, ask yourself…


The 5 Types of People in Your Lounge

Ah, the wonders of the college dorm lounge. It is in this quintessential landscape that you can be sure to encounter an array of strange characters and a bevy of uncomfortable small talk. Have no fear though, dear reader, Satyr…


Back-to-School Fashion Alert: Bulletproof Vests

Still looking for the perfect fall wardrobe staple? Don’t settle for another thrift store sweater when you could be turning heads with this season’s hottest new trend: bulletproof vests. After decades of being exclusively used as body armor, it’s about…


10 Charity Challenges to Gain Even More Attention

As almost everyone knows, the ALS Ice bucket challenge has become extremely successful for a number of reasons: We all got to pretend to care about an important issue while being able to use said issue as a guise for…

introverts cover

5 True (and totally unbiased) Facts About Introverts!

Don’t you hate it when everyone else is partying, and you’re stuck at home reading Buzzfeed lists and Satyr articles? Don’t worry! With this list, you can claim a feeling of smug self-righteousness over those damn extroverts and their partying…


Celebrity Snapshots

There’s no denying that celebrities are everywhere. And now, thanks to the hacking skills of Satyr’s IT department, they’re even more everywhere. From the silver screen to the iPhone screen and now to your computer screen, celebrities’ private snapchats are…


The 7 Greatest Infidelities in History

7. Helen of Troy and Paris of Troy fuck in Troy King Menelaus comes off as such a complete asshole in Troy for starting a war over Paris of Troy “placing his crown upon Helen’s sweet head”, but if you’ve…


Mom, That’s Racist!

Think your parents’ advice is inherently racist? Think again! (Answers are at the bottom of this list.) Hide your jewelry when they’re here. They like shiny things. It won’t be long before they all cross the border. They are very…


(Realistic) New Year’s Resolutions

Planning on reading, like, twelve million books off your Goodreads list this year? Click here to read your first epic tome of 2014, because you’re worth it.


10 Things Every Indian Student Should Know Before Coming to UCLA

The American accent doesn’t exist here. YOU’RE the one with an accent. You won’t find “Hella” in any dictionary ever published. Trust me, I’ve tried. Thrice. Be prepared for questions like the ever-popular “Do you ride elephants to school?” In…