Ice Cream conglomerate, Ben & Jerry’s, has decided to throw its hat in the political arena this winter, releasing several ice cream flavors specifically themed around the 2016 presidential election. After the initial release of “Bernie’s Yearning,” a new Ben & Jerry’s flavor for Vermont Senator and Presidential Candidate, Bernie Sanders, the frozen dessert makers decided to continue dabbling in the world of political sweet treats, releasing several more flavors for the 2016 presidential candidates. The Daily Ruin staff had the privilege of attending a taste-testing party, and reported back with reviews of some of the samplings.
A Lil’ Nutty – Ben Carson
“A Lil’ Nutty” was meant to encapsulate Ben Carson, retired-neurosurgeon-turned-presidential-candidate. While we enjoyed the idea of the flavor, and initially the nuts seemed to be manageable, we soon realized the nuts were very overpowering. In fact, the ice cream seemed to be 80% nuts, with very little actual ice cream present. We were able to find walnuts, peanuts, macadamia nuts, and tree nuts in our miniscule sample, an absurd ratio even for the most hardcore nut-lover. Starting with this flavor, we had a bad taste in our mouth for the rest of the night.
Plain Ol’ Vanilla! – Jeb Bush
“Plain Ol’ Vanilla!,” meant to represent Jeb Bush, was as solid as vanilla can get, pretty standard but nothing exciting happening here, despite what the exclamation point would suggest. We enjoyed sampling this flavor, but were begging for something a little, I don’t know, spicier? Not much else to report here.
Phish Food Frozen Yogurt – Hillary Clinton
“Phish Food Frozen Yogurt,” the flavor constructed for Hillary Clinton’s campaign, is a remake of an old Ben & Jerry’s classic, and while it had a lot going for it, it was clear to us that they just tried to remake an old fan favorite. The flavor seemed to be fishing for votes from those sampling the dessert, attempting to combine a lot of different flavors – marshmallow swirls, fudge, caramel, and chocolate – that didn’t necessarily go together. And making it frozen yogurt – not actual ice cream – in order to appeal to both the younger generation and the health-nut crowd, seemed like a desperate effort to appear diverse and appeal to as many demographics as possible.
Bubblegum – Donald Trump
“Bubblegum,” made for Donald Trump’s campaign, was a horrifying flavor, similar to the candidate himself. The reddish/pink-colored creation, reminiscent of the candidate’s cheeks during a heated exchange, was littered with actual pieces of gum that an inattentive consumer could have easily choked on. The more we chewed on the actual pieces of gum in the ice cream, the more our teeth, and eventually, whole faces, hurt. Blowing bubbles was the only fun part. The bubbles, full of hot air, seemed to be representative of Trump’s campaign.
Rum Raisin – Ted Cruz
“Rum Raisin” was the flavor assigned to Ted Cruz’s campaign, and to be quite honest, we didn’t even try this one. Because, like, who seriously likes Rum Raisin? Who even likes raisins? They’re the food you eat when there’s literally nothing else in your pantry, and the entire time you eat them you wonder why you’re doing it, but keep munching, regretting every bite. We looked at the sample and the shriveled up little raisins reminded us of Ted Cruz’s face when he gets mad at debates, so maybe that’s what Ben and Jerry were going for?
Piña Colada – Carly Fiorina
“Piña Colada,” a flavor built for Carly Fiorina, really hit the nail on the head in terms of summing up her campaign: white and crazy. Additionally, the flavor seemed to take on the opposite tactic of the Clinton flavor in only appealing to a niche population: batty old white women who drink away their deceased husbands’ inheritances on Piña Coladas during Florida winters. The flavor was an overwhelming olfactory affair even from afar, reeking of alcohol. The coconut bits, while tasty, seemed to offer us a bite of something we’d only ever want on rare occasions, not a reliable flavor we could turn to during a tough breakup or family movie night.
Unfortunately, that’s the extent of the samplings the Daily Ruin staff members were able to cover, because by the sixth flavor, they had massive brain freeze. They were disgusted and saddened by the lack of good flavor options available, incredibly representative of their feelings toward the array of actual 2016 presidential candidates.