Daily Bruin Admits It’s Changing, Estranged Girlfriend Agrees

WESTWOOD— The Daily Bruin recently admitted on its website that it’s changing, and estranged girlfriend, Karen Michaels agrees.

According to Michaels, The Daily Bruin is “making an effort to be a lot hipper now”.

Michaels, who fell in love with the “old-fashioned newspaper” back in the fall of 2003, became increasingly estranged after terms such as “blog”, “digital collaboration” and “mojo” became frequent words in The Daily Bruin’s vocabulary.

“I used to know what to expect, but now, The Daily Bruin has started throwing around words like ‘stacks’ and ‘prime’,” Michaels said. “Truthfully, I don’t know what any of that means.”

“I’ve tried to fall in love with his new, bolder self, but I just can’t figure out what he is talking about,” Michaels said. He mentioned experimentation and kept raving about an ‘online age’. It made me uncomfortable.”

After some cajoling, Michaels confessed that their relationship was very dependent on physical attraction.

“He’s just trying to look so young now. It’s not the look that I fell in love with,” Michaels said.

Overall, Michaels seemed to have more questions than answers about her long-term boyfriend. She eventually concluded, “I think he is just doing all of this to hide the fact that he is going broke.”

The Daily Bruin is currently not returning Michaels’ calls anymore, but neither party has changed their Facebook relationship statuses.♦

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