Every College Social Group Claims Coke To Be Their Thing

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Spring is in the air at UCLA, but allergies aren’t the only reason why students across campus have bloody noses. Whether it be your sorority’s pinning or your hipster-infused paint party, each self-segregated clique thinks they have their own special nasal tradition. Everyone hits the slopes (and we don’t mean Board Club).

 

Greek Life

Whether you’re in a fraternity or sorority, maintaining a rigorous party schedule with your Communications major can be demanding. Doing a line or two gives you a few extra bag slaps, the douchebag aesthetic, as well as the boosted ego to compensate.

 

Art Students

Doing coke makes you feel as though you’re in Studio 54. Since you’ve missed the true burgeoning of American art culture by merely one generation, this is as close to that feeling as you’ll get.

 

Pre-Law

You do coke on Wednesday nights because you think that’s what successful rich people do.

 

Hipsters

You do coke because that’s what everyone did in the 80s. Once you read this article and realize that the trend’s resurfaced, you’ll probably switch to Xanax.

 

Business Majors

See Pre-Law. Add in pretending that you’re in the Wolf of Wall Street.

 

Film Students

You’ve seen Pulp Fiction one too many times and feel as powerful as Tarantino after just one line.

 

Philosophy Bros

You do Coke now because you know that you won’t be able to afford it once you graduate.

 

Student Government

People say that college government is the microcosm of real-world politics. This is applicable in more ways than one.

 

Computer Science

You think they’re just nerds. Well, they are. But they need something to keep their eyes open after staring at a screen all day. Plus, they’ll be able to afford the habit, allowing it to metamorphize into a full-blown addiction.

DJs/EDM lovers

C’mon, you have to be on something to enjoy the sound of transformers banging each other.

 

Warehouse Party Goers

You’re so cool that you don’t even go to parties on campus. You venture all the way to Downtown, at 2 in the morning, to do lines off of stranger’s glitter-infused body-parts.

 

Athletes  

Michael Phelps has taught us that successful athletes can do drugs and get away with it. Unlike weed, coke goes through system pretty quick. Also, it’s probably less harmful than steroids. Truly a win-win.

 

International Students

You’re the only students who can actually afford it. Plus, you love to brag about how much money you have, and coke is the epitome of “show don’t tell”. 

TAs

You need something to help grade First Year intro-classes. They don’t seem to care, so neither should you.

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