Spring is in the air at UCLA, but allergies aren’t the only reason why students across campus have bloody noses. Whether it be your sorority’s pinning or your hipster-infused paint party, each self-segregated clique thinks they have their own special nasal tradition. Everyone hits the slopes (and we don’t mean Board Club).
Whether you’re in a fraternity or sorority, maintaining a rigorous party schedule with your Communications major can be demanding. Doing a line or two gives you a few extra bag slaps, the douchebag aesthetic, as well as the boosted ego to compensate.
Doing coke makes you feel as though you’re in Studio 54. Since you’ve missed the true burgeoning of American art culture by merely one generation, this is as close to that feeling as you’ll get.
You do coke on Wednesday nights because you think that’s what successful rich people do.
You do coke because that’s what everyone did in the 80s. Once you read this article and realize that the trend’s resurfaced, you’ll probably switch to Xanax.
See Pre-Law. Add in pretending that you’re in the Wolf of Wall Street.
You’ve seen Pulp Fiction one too many times and feel as powerful as Tarantino after just one line.
You do Coke now because you know that you won’t be able to afford it once you graduate.
People say that college government is the microcosm of real-world politics. This is applicable in more ways than one.
You think they’re just nerds. Well, they are. But they need something to keep their eyes open after staring at a screen all day. Plus, they’ll be able to afford the habit, allowing it to metamorphize into a full-blown addiction.
C’mon, you have to be on something to enjoy the sound of transformers banging each other.
Warehouse Party Goers
You’re so cool that you don’t even go to parties on campus. You venture all the way to Downtown, at 2 in the morning, to do lines off of stranger’s glitter-infused body-parts.
Michael Phelps has taught us that successful athletes can do drugs and get away with it. Unlike weed, coke goes through system pretty quick. Also, it’s probably less harmful than steroids. Truly a win-win.
You’re the only students who can actually afford it. Plus, you love to brag about how much money you have, and coke is the epitome of “show don’t tell”.
You need something to help grade First Year intro-classes. They don’t seem to care, so neither should you.