WESTWOOD, CA — Popular perception of the American college experience as portrayed by the media is what experts describe as “fun” for “young people”. However, now that the first week or so of the new quarter has passed, researchers out of the UCLA Department of Education report that, well, hope you enjoyed yourself, you’re 50.
Dr. Hoo, leader of the study, says it’s important for students to feel like they are getting the college experience. “They’re free to go to a concert, see their friends, or find a romantic interest. Then, after about mid-Week 2, they belong to us again.”
The study shows that one fun week per quarter promotes balance, boosts morale, and reduces wall-punching by 30%. “Any more than that and, well, come on, yeah right.”
Bobby Geller, 19, told Daily Ruin, “Yeah, I signed up for that UCLA Rec rock climbing class for the quarter. It was really fun, and it was probably the last time I’ll go all quarter!”
The results of the study showed that by week one most students have gotten drunk once or twice, sat outside on the grass, and maybe watched a movie at those two theaters UCLA is always bragging about being near. Conversely, by week two, studies show that, yeah, that’s over, good luck on your four midterms.