Five Obscure References To Slip Into Conversation That Will Establish You As The Cultural Alpha

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If there’s any point to this great experiment we call life, it’s cultivating your taste and letting people know how eclectic it is. We here at Satyr are proud sponsors of good taste. Allow us to get you started with five obscure references to slip into conversation.

  1. Himalayan Monk Harmonic Chant Album
    • This one’s a doozy. Anyone worth their pink rock salt knows that a group of monks in a remote region of the Himalayas can individually sing more than one note at a time. BUT CAN THEY NAME 5 OF THEIR SONGS?
  2. A Quote from Any Classic Novel or Philosophical Treatise
    • This one will really floor them. It’s the conversational equivalent of that one book you would reference in all your standardized test essays. Bonus points if you push your glasses down the bridge of your nose and tilt your head while reciting it.
  3. The Fiction Section of the New Yorker
    • Everyone browses this to stay at the cusp of culture, but only alphas read the stories to the end. Close-read a couple paragraphs and have a thesis ready to drop on all your subordinates at the next social gathering. Don’t even be subtle about it. You’re the alpha. Let them hear your perfectly-parsed roar.
  4. Your Grandpa’s Artisanal Jam
    • Literally nobody will know about your grandpa’s jam. Preserving berries was his secret passion, and he only shared the fruits of his labor with you. This isn’t about connecting with people who like the same niche things as you anymore; it’s about establishing dominance and showing others that you know more than them. And as the only grandchild of Grandpa Joe Meyers, you, my friend, have hit the JACKPOT.
  5. Coldplay
    • Keep this one in your pocket. Chris Martin’s perfectly neutral vocals are a great way to bring ’em back before whipping out the names of Pablo Picasso’s fish.

 

Illustrated by Megan Hullander

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