WESTWOOD — The seasons are changing and freshman biology majors everywhere are transforming into sexy cats. It’s the Halloween season again and our sources have confirmed that Greek Life is already dusting off their offensive Halloween costumes.
“It’s just kind of a tradition, like making the smallest pledge eat human hair or our group baths,” stated frat brother Bret Marks. Marks explained that every year members of sororities and fraternities look forward to the horrified looks and angry Facebook comments they get from Liberal Arts Students.
“This year we gotta start super early to top last year,” Marks said. By last year he is of course referring to the “Kanye Western,” Greek Life’s proudest accomplishment in the arena of cultural appropriation.
“I’m almost done with my sexy Crazy Horse costume!” sorority recruitment chair, Lisa White excitedly explained. “Although he fought and died for the freedom of his people, but that multicolored native headdress is going to look so cute with these heels I just found on Amazon.”
As we walked around the sorority house we saw girls working on costumes of all kinds, from Sexy Harriet Tubman to Sexy Qur’an. One sorority member, Lisa Walford, told us that apparently another member, Judy Hollins, had gained weight and “might not be able to pull off sexy “Hunger Strike Era Ghandi” like she did last year.”
Themes for Greek Halloween parties this year are rumored to be “African American Sitcom Characters,” “Persecuted Religious Figures,” and, of course, “Pop Stars and Popular Asian Stereotypes.”