How Much Does Anyone Obamacare?

American tradition dictates that citizens must complain about all political events, regardless of intelligence or comprehension.

WASHINGTON—Last Tuesday, amid the government shutdown, Obamacare rolled out to all Americans who signed up for the program. As with most things involving the government and politics, Americans have been fervently talking about both, and no one understands anything about either.

“Obamacare?” replied House Speaker John Boehner when asked to comment on the probably horrific implications of the government shutdown, “I don’t actually know what it is or how it works, but it seems to be a clever play on the name ‘Obama.’ And I’ve been told not to like that guy.” Boehner went on to state that he does not support Obamacare and will do everything he can to stop it from progressing, “even if all legitimate and legal options to do so have been exhausted.”

Fortunately, the government shutdown has not directly affected UCLA students. “There are obviously vast and grave implications to the government shutdown,” said Anne Gibraltar, fourth year political science major at UCLA, “but they probably won’t be apparent for another year or so. Since there’s nothing I can do about it, I find it best just to not worry about it.”

However, the effect of Obamacare on UCLA students is much more immediate. A recent email from UCLA Chancellor Gene Block¹ confirmed² that UCLA’s student healthcare plan, otherwise known as SHIP (Student Health is ImPortant), is not included as an option under Obamacare³.

Many students, upon glancing at the title of the email, found themselves “very, very upset by this whole thing.” Gibraltar, one of the few students who actually opened and briefly skimmed the email, said, “I don’t really understand any of what’s going on here, but I’ll be damned if I don’t express my God-given right as an American to complain about it anyway.” ♦

¹Unconfirmed content, as the email remained unopened by Daily Ruin staff.
²Unconfirmed content.
³Unconfirmed content.

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