Jeb Bush Rushed to Hospital after Shooting Himself in Foot

17809592206_f462a3775c_oMEREDITH, NH – On January 6, 2015, Governor Jeb Bush was scheduled to speak at the Church Landing in Meredith, New Hampshire. However, before he could take the stage of the “Governing Under the Influence Education Project,” Bush was rushed to Lakes Regional Medical Hospital for gunshot wounds.

Several members of the crowd waiting for Bush’s appearance claimed to have overheard muffled screams and gasps of, “See, I can do something!” and, “I don’t need a focus group for this!” right before the rally was cancelled.

One crowd member commented, “I finally realize why his campaign logo has an exclamation point! I guess I just needed to hear his voice for it to make sense.”

Bush’s campaign team had a statement ready in response to the incident. “Despite losing his foot, Governor Bush will be attending tomorrow’s rally in Londonderry. He is simply that dedicated to the American people.”

However, when further questioned on the specifics of the incident, spokeswoman Kristy Campbell stumbled, having not prepared an answer.

“He seems to have um,” Campbell muttered, “um…in a grand gesture of, um…confidence, which, um…polls showed he was lacking, hmm…taken the liberty to shoot his ah…shoot himself in the, well…foot in um, a response to well, Trump being well, being a bully.”

Campbell ended the press conference stronger stating, “Looking ahead, Mr. Bush can no longer put his foot in his mouth. We expect his polling to be better in the near future.”

With recent national attention on the issue of gun control after President Barack Obama’s executive order, even Republicans are now beginning to insist on stricter background checks on the purchase of firearms.

“We just lost the foot of a Republican nominee!” exclaimed lifelong Republican John Hamm, “What a wakeup call! This is definitely the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

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