Leak Reveals Trump Golden Shower Scandal Just A Cover Up for His Incontinence

golden showerWASHINGTON, D.C. — Friday morning, leaks began to trickle in that the pre-inauguration golden shower allegations against Donald Trump were actually a massive cover-up for the fact that Trump is not toilet trained.

In a statement released by WikiLeaks, who broke the story, Julian Assange stated, “We withheld this information for as long as we could but, alas, the floodgates involuntarily opened”.

At a press conference held this afternoon, members of the media attempted to engage the President in some free-flowing discourse about the matter, to which he responded, “Leaks? What leaks? I’ve got a perfectly sufficient bladder. It’s YUUUGE”.

In an uncharacteristic show of transparency, Trump then dropped his pants to reveal a diaper with a golden “T” monogrammed on the waistband, which he proudly reported was “bone dry.” A top aide joined him at the podium to reward him with a lollipop.

A member of the press corps suggested that Mr. Trump’s mishandling of the situation was a blatant display of incompetence, at which point the leader of the free world, lollipop in mouth, began screaming “Incontinent?! I’m not incontinent!! It’s all just a dirty media scam!!”

A five-minute timeout imposed by Steve Bannon seemed to calm the President down, until he bit into his lollipop at the three-minute mark to find it devoid of a bubblegum center.

Three hours and five tantrums later, President Trump returned to the briefing room and read from a prepared statement:

“I’m sorry for my outburst today. I realize now that the reporter suggested that I was incompetent, not incontinent, to which I respond: “phew.” 

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