LOS ANGELES, CA — As of Yesterday, local KTLA News began running authentic archived safety-instruction videos from World War II. The videos all cover what do in case of nuclear detonation, domestic secession, invasion from foreign nations, local concentration camps, and/or in case your neighbor is discovered to be a spy. KTLA representative Mary Joseph stated, “This isn’t a mis-broadcast, the station stands by airing these helpful and relevant instructional videos.” So far, there has been little to no complaint from the public on the programming, but rather a flood of “thank-you” emails being received by KTLA, grateful for the preparation for looming events on the modern horizon.
“Thank god I know what to do in case I see a big flash in the distance,” says David Martin, local news-watcher and father of three, “because any day now Trump just might piss off the wrong people, and I have this sturdy mahogany desk in my study that’ll definitely keep me safe.”
“You know, for a while I just thought my neighbors were quiet and well-dressed,” commented Valley-resident Janice Collins, outside of a Target after freshly stocking up on many canned goods, reflective blankets, and shotgun shells. “Now I know that they could very well be listening to my secrets through a wire in my lamp. That’s what the video KTLA aired said. And Hey! If that’s what Obama did to Trump, anybody could be doing it to me!”
Satyr reached out to KTLA for further comment on the retroactive broadcast. KTLA representative Joseph commented, “We figured it would be easier than making new ones, since it’s basically the same thing all over again, just not in black and white. Let it be noted that Joseph giggled to herself at her own quip whilst absent-mindedly shredding calendars, her dream-board, and other things that would indicate a future that could be planned for.