Los Angeles Gentrifies General Election

LOS ANGELES— In an effort to increase voter turnout and continue erasing the history and culture of Los Angeles, voting locations across the county yesterday specifically catered to residents of gentrified neighborhoods.

Each voting location put together their own agenda of gentrified activities and experiences to congratulate voters on being a good American and celebrate their privilege.

The Grove’s events coordinator Marina Cunningham explained the shopping center’s plan for encouraging the gentrified vote by handing out free açai bowls.

“The fun doesn’t end there, though,” Cunningham said. “After getting an açai bowl, voters will receive a 20% discount for a photo-op with Mario Lopez on the set of “Extra” in front of a sign that says ‘Proud to be an upper middle class American.’”

Participants can share these photos on all social media platforms with the hashtag #generalelectionaçaiexperiencenov4, Cunningham said.

Joshua Long, who voted at the West Hollywood voting location, said his 2014 general election experience was “totally unique and just, like, so fun.”

“I’ll never forget this election and the free, pre-voting hot yoga session that helped us vote in the way we thought was the most effective, natural, overpriced, organic, and vegan,” Long said.

When asked whether the perks involved with the voting locations were meant to sway the election in any particular way, officials responded by continuing to distribute Sprinkles cupcakes. When asked how this new voting system reflects and contributes to racism and classism in America, officials ran away.

Witnesses at non-gentrified voting centers reported that as booths closed, voters protested, carrying signs that read “GENTRIFY THE BLOCK” and demanding equal gentrification for all. ♦

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