Upon hearing the disappointing news of the election, Julian Friedl, a freshman at Santa Monica Community College, was extremely eager to take to the streets and voice his frustrations amongst other protesters. Last Saturday, he traveled to what he called “a sizable protest in Downtown Santa Monica”. He woefully reported to us after that it was just a rather large line for a Sbarro.
Friedl had high praise for the level of diversity at this particular protest, “I was very impressed by the diversity of the crowd. All races and genders facing the same direction in one, long organized line”. He noted, “This is the America I want”. He stepped in the back of this protest and held his “NOT MY PRESIDENT” sign up high.
Friedl first became skeptical when he realized he was the only one with a sign at this particular protest. But he claimed this wasn’t too off-putting and thought, “Perhaps this is a protest of working class folks who don’t have the time and money to get a sign”. After another 5 minutes, he noticed nobody was chanting any of the phrases he had heard in other protests. Right then, Julian Friedl decided it was his time to step up and get this protest going. He boldly shouted “F**k Donald Trump!”, causing several patrons to jump in fear. Nobody joined, and Friedl began to think something may be wrong. “It wasn’t until the guy in front of me said ‘Listen buddy, could you not shout? We’re all in line for Sbarro’ that I really began to think this could maybe just be a line for Sbarro”, Friedl explained, “That wasn’t something you usually say at a Trump protest”.
Finally, reality came crashing down when he reached the front of the line. Friedl was greeted with the words “Welcome to Sbarro. What would you like today, sir?” and suddenly everything made sense. Upon hearing the news, he ordered himself a meat-lover’s slice and watched what he once thought was a protests of Americans hungry for change. It turns out everyone’s hunger for change was just a hunger for authentic, New York pizza in a fast-food setting. Let this be a cautionary tale to those at future “protests”. Use these tell-tale signs to make sure your next protest is not just a line for Sbarro.
Illustration by Maegan Lu