LOS ANGELES, CA – 2016’s film awards show season was characterized by heavy criticism of the fact that there were no films by black directors or black actors nominated for awards. Awarding Moonlight with the Golden Globe for Best Drama in 2017 single-handedly ends racism, forever. With its long history of giving a shit about racism in the US, it is only fitting that mainstream Hollywood would be the ones to end racism for the rest of the country.
There was speculation that racism was going to end when 12 Years a Slave won the Oscar for Best Picture at the 2013 Oscars, but alas, everyone was still fucking racist. But not anymore! Though this wasn’t even a movie that was deliberately about slavery, a bunch of people tweeted about it, signaling the true, long-awaited end of racism. Moonlight served its only purpose as a film featuring black cast and production crew, which was to make mainstream Hollywood feel better about its racism. And it worked. No one is fucking racist anymore.
Jane Smith, a 22 year old sociology major, comments, “I think it’s really admirable that Moonlight won best picture. I mean, I didn’t see it, but, like, whatever. Hollywood totally can’t be criticized for that whole ‘#OscarsSoWhite’ thing anymore, because they fixed it! I don’t even need to see the movie to understand the struggle of race in this country, like, what struggle? They won a Golden Globe! Am I right?.”
Her friend standing next to her, who happened to actually be black, declined to comment in between his vigorous face palms and head shaking.
Despite a few blips, like one film with an almost entirely white cast that was about saving the future of jazz swept the rest of the award categories, Hollywood finally did it. Hollywood is finally colorblind, just like our president who is being sworn in tomorrow.