WESTWOOD— Chancellor Gene Block announced Wednesday that UCLA will offer a major in bullshitting to students beginning in Fall 2015.
“Increasingly, students are graduating not with a holistic grasp of their field of study, but rather academic bullshitting skills and debt from student loans,” Block said.
“To address student concerns about the tuition increase, we are offering an exclusive three-majors-in-one deal. The bullshitting major is going to encompass and replace the existing english, philosophy, and history majors.”
Students receiving a B.A. in bullshitting will be required to take a series of introductory, core, and upper division classes in B.S. that will enable them to excel in their elective courses.
Core classes such as N Reading 150, will teach students how to discuss topics that they “know very little about.”
At the end of the quarter, students will be tested in their proficiency of N Reading by giving a 15 minute presentation on a book they have never read. Students who score high on the midterm and final exam, without ever coming to lecture, will be awarded extra credit.
Introductory courses, such as Margins 101 and Procrastination 102, will cultivate skills that enable students to achieve academic success with minimal effort.
“Margins is going to teach students how to meet essay page requirements without actually writing more,” said B.S. Professor Thomas Mcdonald. “You would be surprised at how many students enter college not knowing that they can adjust the spacing between words, make periods bigger, or even just make margins smaller in order to meet page requirements.”
When asked to describe the curriculum in Procrastination 102, McDonald was unable to provide much information.
“The syllabus for 102 is due tomorrow, but I am going to dinner with friends tonight, so I’ll probably just finish it in the morning.”♦