Newly Knighted “Father of Viagra” Erects New Tradition

LONDON— Early last week, Queen Elizabeth knighted Dr. Simon Campbell, the “Father of Viagra,” for his contributions to British society.

Though unconventional, the public knighting ceremony was well received, especially by the beaming Prince William and his wife, Kate Middleton, who recently announced their second pregnancy.

The ceremony began like any other, with the Queen offering a brief explanation for each recipient’s knighthood.

However, when Elizabeth arrived at the kneeling Dr. Campbell, she initiated a high five, which he promptly returned and followed with a fist-pound. The pregnant Duchess looked on approvingly.

After knighting Campbell, the Queen wrapped him in a warm embrace and the two exchanged a few words. Immediately after, Campbell winked and shot double finger-pistols at Prince William, a gesture that both the Duke and his wife visibly appreciated.

Following this, the ceremony ended in a more traditional fashion, with Dr. Campbell and the other recipients leaving with government officials before the media could harass them.

Still, there is no doubt that Campbell’s knighthood deeply penetrated English tradition; many critics are now advocating the future use of high fives by the Queen. Some have even hailed Campbell as a “political visionary.”

“It’s time for this archaic process to change,” said Ryan Nilsson, a fourth-year political science student at Oxford University. “Campbell’s got it right. Will and Kate were clearly on board with the new style, too.”

Though the future of British knighting ceremonies is uncertain, Britons everywhere are eagerly looking forward to the next ceremony. Rumors circulating London hint that several other visionaries may be in the running for the next round of knighting, including both the “Father of Cialis” and the “Father of Lipitor.”♦

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