How To Not Jack Off In Front Of Female Colleagues

imageWith the recent New York Times articles about Harvey Weinstein and Louis CK, we have started to notice a trend. It seems challenging for powerful balding, overweight, sad, scrubbly-shaven men in Hollywood to not jack off in front of women they work with. Satyr made an easy to use guide to help them out!

  1. Are you currently jacking off? No? Good start!
  2. Go to the water cooler. Get some water continue to not jack off.
  3. Sit through the accounting meeting. Don’t jack off.
  4. Meet with Susan from Marketing. Alone. In your office. Continue to not jack off.
  5. Grab lunch at the Thai place. Don’t jack off.
  6. Introduce yourself to the new intern. Don’t jack off.
  7. Check in with yourself multiple times during the day. Ask yourself if you have unknowingly started jacking off. If the answer is ever yes, stop.
  8. Run something by legal. Don’t jack off.
  9. Return to the privacy of your empty home after a long day. Sure. Jack off. Go ahead.
  10. Wait. Before you leave the office, you’re pretty sure Brenda wants to watch you jack off. She doesn’t. Don’t ask.

All in all, just don’t do it.

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