Only Entry Into Fast Food Sweepstakes Wins By Default

MILFORD, Del.— After seven years of operation, the first and only entrant into the annual Taco Bell “Bucks 4 Burritos” competition has won by default.

“I’m astounded,” reports Amelia Rudnicki, Taco Bell’s head of marketing. “The sweepstakes is honestly just a tradition at this point—something that fast food restaurants are supposed to do. Do you think any one has ever actually played the McDonald’s Monopoly Game or used MyCoke Rewards? Of course not.”

The winner, forty three year-old Salil Dudani from Milford, Delaware, reportedly had “so fucking little going on in [his] life” that he had enough time to painstakingly record the entry number on his receipt, go online, enter in his information, and agree to the terms and conditions.

“It was a very low point for me,” Dudani admits. “I figured entering the contest would give me a few minutes of relief from my immense loneliness. I never expected that I would actually win.”

The grand prize includes fifty thousand dollars in cash, a lifetime supply of free burritos, and an immeasurable amount of shame and regret.daily-ruin-satyr-face-transparent.png

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