PALO ALTO — In an attempt to make Windows hipper than Apple, Bill Gates has recently given his software a new politically correct autocorrect feature.
This new feature is all the rage among college students. Carlos Cortez, a college senior, found the service helpful on his personal statement for graduate school. “I wrote that I grew up as a Latino American man, and Windows corrected me. It changed the sentence to ‘I grew up a biological male who identified as male and is of Central American descent specifically with an intersectional identity combining indigenous Central American (possibly though not certainly Aztec) heritage with Spanish conquistador genealogy,’ which was awesome,” Carlos said, “because it got me much closer to the minimum word requirement for my personal statement!”
Members of the older generation are using the software to communicate with the new liberal youth. Tim Gareth, a middle aged Texas man, stated “it’s about time PC got P.C. Now I can write in the way I talk and it corrects it so everyone is comfortable and understands. Truth is I just grew up with offensive language, I don’t actually dislike [auto-corrected: anyone of the rich variety of cultures that mix in this great country] and now I can express that in a way that is, you know, more understandable to [auto-corrected: individuals who differ in appearance from me].”
At a conference in Los Angeles, Bill Gates said, “This is the start of a more progressive society, where people can say what they want and computers will protect them from any pushback that would have been caused by people being offended. That being said, in terms of voice dictation correction, we have some kinks to work out before the product is something we can pitch–” immediately his PC corrected him, chiming in “Did you mean empowered female?”
Bill Gates, who once released a swarm of mosquitos on an audience at a malaria conference, can finally claim he did something right. Despite Gates’ recommendation, Donald Trump is not willing to switch to PC.♦