- Clear search history on Facebook to hide the fact that your ex’s new girlfriend is first on your most recent search history.
- The next time you are around your ex, have a slightly, but not obviously, louder than normal conversation where you casually humble brag about something incredible that your new boyfriend did this summer; like how he volunteers in third-world countries over breaks building irrigation systems for towns so their babies will stop dying from cholera. Ah yes, that is perfect.
- Now…. rush home immediately and make fully believable social media profiles for this completely fake, but perfect, boyfriend you have now just created.
- Don’t hang out with, call, text, or snap your ex. But, do get lunch with his sister and mom. Be a little shy and reserved at first, but then start to get excited when you start telling them about this “new man” in your life. Make sure to take them somewhere either new and trendy or with super aesthetic food— you need to make sure his sister will want to take pictures so that you get onto her snap story. Bonus points if they want to make getting lunch with you a “weekly thing.” Go on nonexistent-boyfriend’s facebook and friend both your ex’s sister and his mom. Having two mutual friends between these two will increase the chances of your boyfriend’s posts showing up in your ex’s newsfeeds.
- Wait until your ex and his new girlfriend break up. Contact international news stations and convince them to write about about a plane headed to Honduras that tragically crashed and everyone aboard died. Have a funeral (closed casket) and invite ex’s family. Your fake boyfriend’s death has now been faked. Get slightly tipsy to show that even though you’re sad, you’re moving on… and now single again! How convenient.
Written by Sarita Lee