QUIZ: Are YOU Racist??

Are You Racist??
Are you Buzzfed up with the same old meaningless quizzes? Do you love getting back positive results but don’t want to go all the way to the STD clinic to get them? Do you love selecting answers that describe you least incorrectly but don’t care about which pope is your spirit animal (chances are it’s John) or which type of Indian you should spend Thanksgiving with (it’s the one with eight arms so they can pass more food!)? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then this quiz is for you! FINALLY, a quiz that matters! Find out if you’re racist in a matter of minutes!

1. It’s Friday night, and you’ve already had your bowl, already had cereal. You spend the rest of the night:

A. Staying in with the girls. Painting your nails, freezing your friend’s bra, and gossiping about boys? Where can you sign up?!

B. Hitting up the bowling alley. You heard your crush might be there, and you wouldn’t mind letting him help you with your bowling technique ;) And then you’ll fuck him!

C. Handing flyers out to white people on Bruin Walk. You’re the recruitment chair of your new club, the UCLAKKK! The first K stands for “Kute!”

2. Your ideal summer movie is:

A. The latest tearjerker from Nicholas Sparks. Why can’t he write your life?! Or at least cast Ryan Gosling as your BF!

B. A horror film. You’ll take any excuse to hold your guy’s hand, even if it means having nightmares and psychological problems for the rest of your life!

C. Django Re-chained. All the best movies have alternate endings, and this one is right up your alley! You just wish you could rewrite real life and make your annoying little sister leave you alone! (She’s your adopted black sister.)

3. You’re in detention for calling your teacher a boring ol’ slut, and you need to think about what you did. You’re actually thinking about:

A. Summer. These classes are mad hard, and Mrs. Sellers totally doesn’t get that you should be at the beach instead of doing English homework! When will you even use English in real life?!

B. The cute boy from your math class. The only math you know is that the limit of his freckles doesn’t exist! But seriously, you DO NOT understand fractions!

C. Sports. Why are there no white people in the NBA? The NBA is totally racist! You’re gonna start your own basketball league with just white people. You’ll call it the White NBA. Finally, a WNBA people will care about!

4. The NSA just hacked your computer! They see you spend all of your time on:

A. YouTube. Of course you love that video of Siamese cats that are ALSO Siamese twins. You’re not a monster!

B. Facebook. You have to find out who the girl that just liked your crush’s profile picture is. If she isn’t his cousin, you’re gonna murder her!!!

C. IMDB. You definitely know that guy from something. Didn’t he play the black guy on that other show too? Either that, or he has a twin! All black guys look the same!

5. Uh-oh! You were trying to avoid cracks on the sidewalk and ended up falling and spilling the contents of your purse! Also, you stepped on a crack and broke your mother’s back! But honestly, she kind of deserves it given the way she has been treating you. She can’t tell you what to do, you’re basically an adult! This spills out of your purse:

A. A photo strip of you and your BFFs. You couldn’t live without these girls! Your friends keep telling you that you look perfect, but they’re the perfect ones! Yeah, right, you’re definitely not the prettiest person in the whole world–you totally look fat in that picture!

B. Your strawberry bubble gum lipgloss. You have to be ready for whatever or whomever comes your way. You’d never be caught dead with dull lips! Even your cold, lifeless corpse will have kissable lips!

C. Paula Deen’s Southern Cooking Bible. You can’t wait to find out how to cook Southerners!

Mostly As
You’re in luck, you lucky betch! You’re not racist! Being racist isn’t really “in” right now, and you’re all about the trends. Seventeen is totally your bible, because you do exactly what it says, and it’s all made up. Your lucky numbers are the ones that start with 555 because you and all your friends are fake-ass betches!

Mostly Bs
Don’t worry, you’re not racist. But you are a total slut! You spend way too much time thinking about boys and not enough time paying attention in class. Your head is always up in the clouds because you’re a total airhead, you dumb slut! Don’t quit your night job, you slutty betch!

Mostly Cs
Congratulations, you racist ho! You’re not afraid to stand up for what’s wrong, and you totally march to the beat of your own anti-abolitionist movement. Your staple item this winter is your white hoodie — just don’t get too caught up in the “Who Wore It Better” competition with your slutty racist friends! You’re all losers in Lincoln’s book, you racist betches!
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