Wondering if Bruin Republicans is the right fit for you? Take this quiz below and find out!
1 — How would you describe yourself?
2 — What is your religious affiliation?
B) Something else inherently violent.
3 — What is your sexual orientation?
B) Something that God hates.
4 — Are you an American citizen?
B) No, I’m just a murderer.
5 — Do you believe in big government?
A) No, small government is essential to ensuring American liberty and prosperity.
B) Yes, I prefer receiving bread and freedom in government-issued rations.
6 — Do you support unfiltered free speech?
A) Of course, I’m a proper patriot.
B) Sticks and stones may break my bones, but most words will definitely shatter my sternum.
7 — Do you support the Affordable Care Act?
A) No, it is infeasible and impractical.
B) Definitely, I’m too busy begging for meals to beg for my annual flu shot.
8 — Do you support the decriminalization of marijuana?
A) No, marijuana is destructive.
B) Yes, I hope the utter destruction of my soul and earthly motivation will be within the confines of the law.
9 — Do you believe in the Second Amendment?
A) 100%, it is my constitutional right.
B) Never, my preferred weapon of choice is my searing Twitter feed.
10 — Do you support restrictions on abortion?
A) Completely, abortion is immoral.
B) No, the only thing I love more than hell is a dead baby.
If you answered mostly “A” to our questions, join Bruin Republicans—UCLA’s sole conservative voice that specializes in freedom, tastefully racist posters, and the occasional misguided apology letter—or get some better opinions.