WESTWOOD, CA—Bruins across campus are rejoicing after a study released by the UCLA Career Center revealed a positive correlation between employment rates and having a profile picture with Royce Hall as the background.
The study also found that job offers nearly doubled for students with the caption “LinkedIn Ready!”
Companies, such as Goldman Sachs and the American Government, have even been giving offers to students whose profile pictures solely feature photos of Royce.
“Royce is such a dependable figure,” a leading State Department official stated, “if a UCLA student can find the time to take a picture in front of Royce, they’re surely great with time management and could easily handle any job.”
An anonymous source from Goldman stated, “We don’t really care about seeing pictures of people. We do like buildings though”
In light of the study, we went to Bruinwalk to hear the reaction from students.
Samantha Sanders, a fourth year English major, exclaimed, “Up until today I’d been panicking about my future nearly every night! I’m planning on working at Google as a software engineer now. Who said English majors were useless?”
A third year economics major, Terry Thompson, was lighting a joint at the bottom of Janss Steps, “I was so stressed about getting my GPA up that I even quit smoking weed. Boy, was I stupid to worry about my grades.”
We even came across a couple taking a picture of their small child in front of Royce. They claimed, “this photo will ensure Little Bobby’s future. He’s going to be President one day, you know.”