WASHINGTON—Following last week’s blocked vote on the Paycheck Fairness Act, Republican Phyllis Schlafly called attention to the act’s biggest flaw: its fairness.
“I’m not saying the whole act needs to be scrapped,” said Schlafly, “but the second word definitely needs to go.”
Schlafly went on to explain that an act this fair would have detrimental effects on the future of marriage. “Men are only attracted to women with less money than them,” said Schlafly. “If you take that away, women won’t be able to find husbands. It’s time we recognize the pay gap as the new thigh gap.”
Schlafly wasn’t the only one to voice her opposition to the act. A user of an online MSNBC message board commented in agreement with the conservative activist. “It’s unnatural for women to be paid more,” said a user under the name NotPhyllisSchlafly. “Simple arithmetic suggests it’s a threat to the institution of unequal pay. That’s just simple arithmetic.”
Women opposed to the act gathered outside the White House Thursday afternoon in an anti-feminist rally, where they traded diet secrets and danced to Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” as men lined up to ask for their hands in marriage.
Meanwhile, women at work spent their lunch breaks pinning sassy e-cards to their “Forever Single” boards on Pinterest. ♦