WESTWOOD — In response to recent work done by the Office of the President, within USAC, the UCLA administration has finally decided to give students their “ Dead Days ”. In the announcement, Vice Chancellor Gene Block revealed that “ Dead Days ” will simply be held on the Saturday and Sunday following 10th week.
According to Gene Block, “UCLA, as a public university, cannot afford to keep campus open for an extra 3-weeks out of the year”. Block continued “it takes money to dimly light up bruin walk and to keep the fountain running”.
“Further, this extra 3-weeks would mean an absorbent amount of money and water would have be spent to continue watering the pavement— er, I mean grass.” Block added.
Block was ecstatic to announce that UCLA’s USA Today Page now includes the phrase “Dead Days” in it, an appealing factor to incoming-freshman who are choosing between schools.
Further, the Administration believes that calling these two days “ Dead Days ” is an accurate portrayal of how students feel, and how they look.
“Students are sleeping in Powell, brushing their teeth in Bunche bathrooms, and camping outside Franz,” UCLA Custodian Robert James stated, “They look pretty dead to me”.
South Campus majors were reportedly upset about this weekend dead days announcement, mentioning that “there are still finals on Saturdays and Sundays”. However, these weekend finals are to be re-named “Alive Hours” in the midst of “ Dead Days ”.
Block was very happy with this clever name.
Block did admit that the mental health of students during finals week is expect to remain remain “fairly poor,” but he continued to stress that renaming Saturday and Sunday dead days really is the best solution. “The administration can give the appearance of empathy, while still continuing to efficiently run our business– err I mean University.”