Satyr Writers Take on Wooden’s Anti Sports Bra Policy

SATYR - Sports BraThe John Wooden Center has a strict policy stating students must wear shirts over their sports bras. Any student attempting to work out in a sports bra is asked to cover their overly provocative bare abdomen or leave immediately. Last Thursday, we sent three Satyr writers into Wooden wearing their favorite sports bra to challenge this policy. Cornelius Robbins, Zane Kaufmann, and Cory Lane were ready for the challenge.


SATYR -Sports brasCory and Zane (left to right, Cornelius not pictured) playing racquetball.  At first, the sexual tension on the court was too much, eventually, however, they were all able to carry out the game without being distracted by the desires of the flesh.

 

Elliptical ReditThe three cool down on the ellipticals. Without the privacy of a racquetball court, Cory started to feel bad about the effect he was having on the public. He understood that seeing his lower torso was more than most gym goers could handle, but he selfishly did enjoy not having to spend his workout sticking to a sweaty cotton Volunteer Day shirt. Cory feared he was being whorishsly insentive to the fragile and easily distracted gym members around him, but continued his cardio away.

 

SATYR - Sports braCornelius, Zane and Cory  eventually get kicked out after the distracting nature of their outfits elicits multiple complainants. Cornelius confronted the Wooden Center employee stating “I just hope that one day I can work out comfortably without having to worry being kicked out because my body is over-sexualized by pop culture.”

 
*** This article did not include any females in sports bras because that would have been excessively provocative and downright offensive***

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