Second-Year Moves to Apartment, Becomes Adult

WESTWOOD— Yesterday, second-year undeclared student, Patrick Davnold, officially became an adult after unpacking the last garbage bag from his move out of “the hill” to “the apartments.”

Davnold, who actually moved in six weeks ago, originally made the “responsible grown-up” decision to move to “the apartments” in order to save money on housing. Davnold’s parents, who pay full rent on his behalf, made the last trip to his apartment around 3 p.m. yesterday in order to drop off an old chaise sofa. It was not until this moment did he fully comprehend his new status as an independent adult.

“People don’t really get how many responsibilities I have now,” said Davnold. “I’m not a kid anymore. I have to cook for myself. I can’t just swipe and have a meal handed to me. I have to make like a scrambled egg or something.”

Davnold’s hill-dwelling friends have tried to be supportive during this period of change, however, his newfound maturity has put a strain on their relationship.

“He keeps acting like a bunch of things have changed on the hill since he’s moved out,” said second-year Political Science major, Stephanie Taylor. “Literally all of his sentences begin with, ‘Back when I was here…’ It’s like, we get it. You made the wrong decision and are too embarrassed to tell us.”

Sources confirmed that Davnold was last seen asking a stranger if he knew of any good roofers in the area “just in case” he wanted to get a quote.♦

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