5 Yummy Snacks in Trump’s America

wizglass%20and%20metal%201_0Welp, seeing as things have turned out the way they have, we at Satyr want to offer some healthy, easily acquirable alternatives to food that you can survive on in the coming end of times:

  1. Old Cigarette Butts:
    These things are everywhere, why not just try one? It’s not like anything of quality is happening today
  2. Leather boots:
    People always forget these came from cows, which some use as food. And since you’ll need to boil sewer water to get rid of bacteria, why not throw a preserved fleshy treat into the mix that also looks like our new leader’s ass.
  3. Bats:
    These things are everywhere and everyone takes that for granted. So, when the sun blacks out in the next week, it’ll be prime bat time. You can just reach up and snatch dinner from the black ether brought upon by the by-law of Trump’s deal with Satan.
  4.  Your iPhone:
    Since you smashed this with a rock so that the new Trump secret police can’t find where you are, don’t let that crunchy snack go to waste!
  5.  Just Fucking Broken Glass:
    I mean yeah who gives a shit why the fuck not.

Keep your stomachs full, everyone. We’ll need energy to unite and stand up to the tiny handed man.

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