Pepsi’s latest ad made two things very clear: we all want Kendall Jenner’s ability to rock two tone skinny jeans and her ability to quickly solve political conflict stemming from centuries of socio-economic inequality and institutionalized racism. Here’s how you can get Kendall Jenner’s “magical peace maker” look in all types of global political conflict.
Political Extremism in Europe
Go back in time to the Brexit vote. Find a way to maneuver past security and break into the House of Lords while they are in session. Interrupt the debate. Hand leader of the House of Lords, Baroness Evans, a Pepsi. There is no longer any xenophobia in Europe. You fixed it.
Israel and Palestine
Orchestrate a diplomatic meeting between Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and President Mahmoud Abbas. Hand them both Pepsi’s. Wait for everyone in the room to begin dancing. This problem is solved now. Generations of violence? A long process of dehumanization of the “other”? You are a pretty girl handing them a Pepsi. They have both forgotten all of this. You are the real hero.
Famine in the Sudan
Fly to the Sudan with a crate of Pepsi’s. Go to one of the relief centers set up by the Red Cross. Hand one person a Pepsi. They will all start dancing. The famine is over. If someone mentions that it has still not rained, tell them to keep dancing. Loud vaguely Reggae music should start playing. You as so pretty you have harnessed the power of Reggae music and ended the famine in Sudan.
***If you try this and the major global conflict does not end it is because you are not attractive enough. We recommend applying Kylie’s matte lip kit or losing ten pounds and then trying Kendall Jenner’s Approach to Global Conflict™ again.***