Study Shows Remaining Depressed Easier Than Making CAPS Appointment

SATYR- DepressedLOS ANGELES — A new study out of the psychology department shows that remaining depressed is actually less challenging than scheduling an appointment with Counseling and Psychological Services, or, as it is known on campus, CAPS.

As outlined on their website, intake appointments can only be made in person, Monday-Friday, 8am-4pm.

“Patients would have to maintain their resolve from their breakdown on Saturday night until 8am Monday morning,” explains CAPS psychologist Barry Usyles. “The numbers show that in two days, emotional wounds heal just enough to dissolve a patient’s will to get help.”

Moreover, if a patient is unable to schedule their depression for a more convenient time earlier in the year, they may have to compete with the best of the depressed that UCLA has to offer.

“I had some anxiety at the beginning of the year, but I held off,” says student Hope Lesnes, 19. “It got worse about a month in, but by then the mid-quarter crisis rush had started. I would check back in every couple days to see if the schedule opened up, like they told me. It didn’t. I actually felt more relief from giving up and just staying depressed.”

Usyles opened up about the packed schedule.

“This campus is f—ed up. There really are just not enough hours in the day to deal with its problems.” Such, Usyles explains, is the reason for the limit of 10 appointments per year. Student Savvie Sangfroid, 21, was a little more lucky.

“I found that if I just budget my breakdowns to 3 times per quarter, I can make full use of CAPS. It’s a really great resource if you know how to plan your emotions! I program my Fitbit to shock me if I start to spiral before Week 3!”

But Usyles is working towards a solution to address the scheduling difficulty that CAPS and its patients face. He has partnered up with UCLA’s Herb Alpert School of Music in attempt to quell the anxiety on campus. Starting Fall 2016, students will be able to rent out sound-proof rooms in Schoenberg where they are free to scream into the void. ♦

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