Tag: disease

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Study: Sneezing Into Shirt Teleports Germs to Parallel Universe

ATLANTA— Researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed yesterday that sneezing into one’s shirt teleports germs into a parallel universe. This revelation came after months of intense and exhaustive sneeze-mechanics experimentation. It is expected that later this…

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Physician Recommends Less Laughter For Putin

MOSCOW—Earlier this week, Vladimir Putin’s primary physician recommended less laughter for the Russian president. Citing health concerns, Dr. Kevin Trotskoff explained to our correspondent in Moscow that he has recommended slight changes to the President’s schedule, including fewer public appearances…