Tag: football

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Four Types Of Girls Your Dad Hit On During Parents Weekend

Nothing could be better than a parents’ weekend at college: rekindling memories of a time of young love, restoring some passion into your parents’ marriage, and watching as your Father tanks the whole thing. While Mom talked to other parents…

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A Civil Discussion on the UCLA-USC Game

By now you obviously know we won the big game today. We don’t need to come out and say something like “FUCK SC” and we definitely don’t need to say something as vulgar as “maybe USC will finally get that…

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‘Beat SC’ Bonfire Heating Up, USC Student to Be Sacrificed

WESTWOOD— In anticipation of the biggest football game of the year against USC, students have hit the peak of excitement for the festive “Bruinwalk Bonfire” rally. Bruin Plaza has been transformed into a mob of school spirit. Marcus Wellington, a first-year…

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NFL Week 12 Picks

Chiefs @ Raiders Winner: Raiders Offense With a predicted 3-5 minutes of play, the Raiders Offense will consider this a bye week. Fans can look forward to a well-rested offense and a possible win in the 2016 season. Buccaneers @…

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Football Player Signs Autograph, Satisfies Writing II Requirement

LOS ANGELES—Early Tuesday morning, Jermaine Bucknell emerged triumphant from Murphy Hall to raucous chants of “No more writing” and “General education out” instigated by his teammates. Bucknell, a running back for the UCLA Bruins, has become the first ever student…

1967 USC vs UCLA - Game of the Century

Janitors Seek To End “This Stupid Rivalry Bullshit”

LOS ANGELES—Groundbreaking news came out of Ackerman Union today, where the Facilities Departments of UCLA and USC held peace talks regarding the schools’ decade-long rivalry. “Look, we are fans of football as much as the students,” said janitor Randy Brewster,…