Tag: gene block

TrueBruinWelcome

Op-Ed: Thousands Enraptured at Welcome To Bruin Life

  On Sunday September 25th 2017, all six thousand members of the Freshman class attended Welcome To Bruin Life, the final activity of UCLA’s True Bruin Welcome Week. As the students clamored into Pauley Pavilion, they glanced up at the…

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USAC President Named Honorary Member of Sig Ep

WESTWOOD – After a picture surfaced of USAC president Danny Siegel making a Blood gang sign, the fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon has offered him an honorary membership. The fraternity, famed for hosting a tasteful “Kanye Western” party last year, sees…

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Experts Report Fun Part Of College Over Now

WESTWOOD, CA  — Popular perception of the American college experience as portrayed by the media is what experts describe as “fun” for “young people”. However, now that the first week or so of the new quarter has passed, researchers out…

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Do You Love Me?

Do you love me? -Yes -No   Really? -Yes -No   Are you sure? -Yes -No   What if I make this silly face? -Yes -No   Wow, you must really love me. Do you love me on a sad…

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5 Things You Can Paper Maché With Unused Daily Bruins

  If you’re like most UCLA students, you often happen upon large stacks of unread, untouched Daily Bruin newspapers on your way to class. We at Satyr have worked out some fun, crafty ideas for putting these abandoned papers to…

SATYR-Altfacts

10 UCLA Alternative Facts

Gene Block is super involved. People see him as a father figure. I invited him to my little sister’s Bat Mitzvah. USAC is effective and transparent. Everyone knows what they do. In fact we all say hello to our USAC…

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Royce Hall Deteriorating from Camera Flash

WESTWOOD– Earlier this week, scientists from the University of Southern California reported that Royce Hall is deteriorating. “The cause of this rapid detrition seems to be camera-flashes,” said Dr. Jim Smith, “we’ve never seen anything like it. We do most…

Bruin Walk

Gene Block Did It for the Yak

WESTWOOD— Some 8,000 subscribers to the UCLAyak Snapchat account were surprised on Wednesday to find a video featuring the pale, naked body of UCLA Chancellor Gene Block gallivanting around Bruinwalk. Started a little more than a week ago by a…

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Coldplay-er?: Inside Chris Martin’s Secret Love Affair

Looks like things are all “Yellow” (and True Blue) for Chris Martin and our beloved Chancellor! The two were recently spotted incognito splitting a pizookie at BJ’s and only T(s)MZ (The Satyr Magazine) has the inside scoop! “I heard Chris…

070909 Chancellor Gene Block and wife photographed for ASUCLA Photo

A Letter from Gene Block

Friends, We can all agree that UCLA ranks highly among the best universities in the world. We have some of the most prolific researchers in the nation, working day and night, progressing the knowledge of humanity. Many of these researchers…

mt. racial equality

Mt. Racial Equality: A Timeline of Racism at UCLA

  SOURCES: 2000s: Alleged discriminatory remarks leveled at minority faculty members such as “I thought Asian women were supposed to be submissive.” 2008: Upon seeing a newly hired professor, senior faculty members asks loudly, in front of a group of…

070909 Chancellor Gene Block and wife photographed for ASUCLA Photo

A Letter from Gene Block

EDITOR’S NOTE: The IT department at Satyr headquarters recently hacked into the email of Gene Block, UCLA’s Chancellor. The email, reprinted verbatim below, is a draft that has been sitting in his inbox since April 14, 2009. We decided that it…

obamacare

How Much Does Anyone Obamacare?

WASHINGTON—Last Tuesday, amid the government shutdown, Obamacare rolled out to all Americans who signed up for the program. As with most things involving the government and politics, Americans have been fervently talking about both, and no one understands anything about…