Tag: thanksgiving

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Grandma Thinks Thanksgiving Unholy After Eating Seitan Turkey

BRENTWOOD, CA — After delivering a lengthy tirade on the Starbucks Corporation’s desecration of Christmas, Grandma Lynn nearly suffered a stroke when presented with a vegan Thanksgiving turkey. Sarah Moore, 26, was hosting Thanksgiving dinner for the very first time…


How to Deal with Your Liberal Nephews and Nieces this Thanksgiving

Are you a down-to-earth, constitutional, Christian (specifically Protestant), morally pure conservative male who happens to also be an uncle? Are you dreading this upcoming Thanksgiving when your liberal-zombie nephews and nieces will be returning from UC Berkeley to terrorize you…


Trump’s Cabinet as Old Thanksgiving Leftovers

Here’s what’s left of our 6 favorite dishes that have been approved by the biggest turkey of them all, Donald. While they may not be the dishes you’re used to or even wanted, hopefully we’ll all get used to them….


Not Even Professor Staying for Full 3-Hour Class

LOS ANGELES— With the holiday season in sight, class attendance rates are plummeting alongside student motivation. In the case of “Analytical Animal Geography,” however, it’s not just students who are playing hooky. Professor Mia Evans readily admits to habitually ducking out…