LOS ANGELES— First-year French student Mark Stafford returned to UCLA Sunday afternoon after a “jam-packed” Thanksgiving weekend at home. Stafford kicked-off his Thanksgiving recess Wednesday evening, when he returned home to “deal with pressing family matters.”
“He came home, fed the dog, and then took a seven-hour nap in the living room,” explained Stafford’s mother, Joanne Stafford.
Mark spent the rest of his vacation mostly sitting, occasionally walking and constantly avoiding high school friends.
“Yeah, it was a massive bummer,” Mark said. “It was like, I wanted to see them so badly, but life just got in the way, you know?”
On Friday afternoon, Kaitlin Anderson—Mark’s default high school homecoming date—sent Mark a text asking if he wanted to “watch a movie.”
After waiting seven minutes in order to seem like he wasn’t by his phone, Mark replied, “ahhhhh im so sorry, im black friday shopping with my mom.” Sources confirmed that Mark then returned to drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and re-watching “Lost” for the third time.
A similar situation occurred on Saturday night, when Chris Porter, another of Mark’s high school acquaintances, sent him a text detailing a party going on that night to “reunite the crew.”Stafford ignored this text, and did not open Porter’s subsequent Snapchat in order to maintain an appearance of obliviousness.
“For real, it really sucks that I got that Snapchat from Chris. I really wanted to post this video of me lip-syncing to Arianna Grande on my story, but if I did, Chris would know I was ignoring him,” said Stafford.
Upon returning to UCLA Sunday morning, Stafford copy and pasted the same message to several friends. The message read:
“hey, suuuuper sorry we couldn’t hang out this week. i had way more work than i thought i would, and my parents wanted me around to help around the house :/ next time though!!! christmas for sure ✌✌”♦