Trump Bans Trader Jose’s Labels

WESTWOOD, CA – Trump’s presidency has been characterized by a series of divisive executive orders, including, the recent travel and refugee ban from several nations. However, next on his list is a similarly divisive order for Angelenos who take Trader Joe’s almost as seriously as an avocado tax, as the next target of the ban will be on Trader Jose and other ethnic traders.

The night the decision was announced, several people gathered around the Westwood Trader Joe’s with protest signs.

Sean Spicer, the Trump administration’s Press Secretary said at this morning’s press conference, “Deporting Trader Ming back to whatever unidentified Asian country he belongs to is a simple matter of protecting American values.”

It is unclear whether Trader Jose will be deported back to Mexico or a different Latino country, as he makes both Mexican quesadillas and burritos as well as empanadas, but the Trump administration has yet to comment on the issue. Trader Joe-San who has made the Japanese food at Trader Joe’s is the only trader with a specified destination with the label on sushi, but it is unclear why Trader Ming made gyoza potstickers as those are also of Japanese origin.

President Trump took to Twitter at 2:45AM after the bill was passed to tweet, “Keeping my campaign promise of keeping Traitor Jose and other bad hombres out! MAGA!” and another tweet ten minutes later reading “All of these protests are very unamerican, very unfair, everyone loves me.”
Large protests have been scheduled on Facebook, garnering over one thousand RSVP’s in the last two days. Amidst the protests the CEO of Trader Joe’s has plans to release a new line of “…something still pretty racist but will be unaffected by the ban.”

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