Trump Encourages Japan-US Trade Deal, Says Japan Can Keep “Weird Cartoons”

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WASHINGTON, DC –Last week, President Trump caused slight controversy with his push for Japan to increase car production within the US. Today, he came back to the press to uphold his previous comments, adding,“Japan can keep making those creepy cartoons or whatever. An-ee-may I think you call it, I dunno, just keep it out of here.”

When asked about his animosity towards the medium he responded, “Barron tried to show me some of that stuff, it’s complete crap I tell ya. There’s this one Cowboy Bee-boop. Not a single cowboy. Anywhere! This stuff is just useless compared to great American cartoons. Kids these days should be watching Dumbo instead, like I did as a kid. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but nothing’s funnier than those crows with their hooting and hollering.”

These comments seemed to have struck a nerve with former President Barack Obama, who released a rare press statement yesterday: “Trump doesn’t understand the artistic weight and themes of Cowboy Bebop, that make it so attractive to us westerners. It uses typical anime tropes but also subverts them. It’s a triumph not only for animation, but the medium of storytelling as a whole. The President refuses to believe that some countries are just better suited for making certain things than America.”

Other than quality, the President claimed that anime had a big impact on the US economy, saying it was the chief reason for the $57 Billion trade deficit with Japan. “We have so many weak dorks in this country blinded by ‘cute girls,’ with their soulless eyes and unrealistic curves, willing to pour money into foreign pockets rather than their own country. Isn’t that sad folks? Apparently, these expatriates can’t find their own kind attractive anymore! What happened to the days of having a pinup of Betty Boop in your room? You know, a HOT and AMERICAN girl.”

Trump isn’t the first politician to take a firm stance against Japanese Media. Last month, Speaker of The House, Paul Ryan, denounced the Pokemon game series saying, “Those little beasts teach kids that if they get hurt, they can just go heal themselves for free. That’s not how it works in the real world. You have to pay to get better here, just like everyone else.”

When reached for comment, Vice President Pence said, “I fully stand with the President here. I just can not believe how hot-I mean disgusting that Naruto is. All those boys getting sweaty and wrestling with each other, is something I could never pass up-I mean endorse.”

 

Illustrated by Marisa Magana

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