WESTWOOD– In a whirlwind of self-discovery, third-year World Arts and Culture student Kyle Clarkson has reportedly “found himself among the abyss of cars that is Westwood”.
After spending a total of 15 hours searching for a parking spot, the soul-searching and eager-minded youth has made a ground–breaking discovery about his path in life and who he really is.
“I mean, at first I was frustrated because there was no parking anywhere, but after a few hours I realized that the search was only a metaphor for the continual exploration that we as humans employ to find our purpose in life,” the enlightened spiritual guru said.
Witnesses confirmed that for the first four and a half hours, a disheartened Clarkson was seen banging his head on the steering wheel of his car. This suddenly ended when Clarkson put his palms to his temples, widening his eyes in epiphany as he realized the meaning in life.
Clarkson was so moved by his journey that he has even begun an attempt to make sweeping changes to parking in Westwood. To promote the impending reform, posters can now be seen in Westwood reading, “We are parking. Parking is us”.
Clarkson’s plans for parking reform center on “continuing to facilitate spiritual journeys throughout LA by making parking virtually impossible to find.”
Pushing legislation to diminish the availability of parking spots is Clarkson’s first priority, but creating fake cars that inhabit parking spots is also one of his many ideas for enhancing spiritual productivity. He already has plans to create “massive parking garages filled with absolutely zero parking spots.” Clarkson even hopes to embark on a series of toured speaking engagements, sharing his story with the” vapid soul-searching masses of the world”.
“It’s just, like, what is life? Sometimes we find our place, but have yet to find our place in life. In the end, aren’t we all just searching for parking?” proclaimed Clarkson through an intercom to a large amount of passersby on Bruin Walk.
“So, come, join me on this journey. Find your parking and you will lose yourself. Search for parking, and you will find parking in the kingdom of God,” Clarkson continued .
At press time, Kyle was sticking his head out his car window, yelling at pedestrians to “get in a car and save themselves.” ♦