FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT – This morning, an old GE microwave manual was discovered buried just six inches underground behind a local Wendy’s which used to be GE’s headquarters. This was the original manual before GE and all other appliance companies decided to keep their microwaves’ spy function a secret. The manual reveals that in fact, every microwave has a spy function. It was only after Kellyanne Conway let GE’s secret slip that the search for the long lost manual began.
According to the manual, most microwaves place the spy button somewhere between the popcorn and baked potato buttons. No one seems to be able to identify why microwave users missed it all these years.
The manual went on to state that your microwave is most effective when pointed in the direction of the thing you would like to spy on. It recommends locating what you would like to spy on, and then point your microwave towards it. The manual warns that this may require, unplugging your microwave, moving it, and plugging it back in.
The biggest discovery from the long lost manual was that all microwaves also have a “Send Spying Information to Barack Obama” button located directly under the “Spy” button. It is usually also next to the “defrost” button. Sources report that microwaves cannot send your spying information anywhere else. All of it must be sent directly to Barack Obama’s personal iPhone.
A search is currently underway to find a manual exposing toasters for having a secret communism detector button.